Beyond-Trauma-banner
Play
Play
Play
Play
Play
Play
Play
previous arrow
next arrow
previous arrownext arrow
Slider
How We Become Stuck

Have you ever felt stuck in any area of your life before? Doing what we have always done only yields the results we have always had.

Have you ever felt stuck in any area of your life before? The word stuck is the past tense of the word stick. Merriam Webster dictionary defines some meanings for this word as to be baffled, beaten, at one’s wit’s end, bogged down or to be stumped. At one point in our lives we have all felt this way or perhaps you may feel this way now.

No one desires to remain in this state yet so many people go through life existing. They travel through life going through the motions not really emotionally connected to what they are doing. Again, at some point in life we have all felt that way. Doing what we have always done only yields the results we have always had.

Trauma, grief, and loss, are subject matter that most people tend to avoid until they experience them. Although we all realize that ultimately we will have to deal with this season of life, something within us keeps us from this reality. That is of course, until we are in it. At this point we are thrusted into a season of life that we have no plan in place to address.

This leads to people becoming stuck, because there was no plan in place before it happened. We were not instructed or prepared about the loss, grief, and trauma that we all experience as we walk out our life purpose. No wonder trauma creates such an imprint on our mental psyche. We know it will happen at some point but we don’t prepare for it. If we fail to plan we plan to fail.

The Enemy of the New You is the Old You

Recovery is meant to take you in a new direction but your success is predicated upon you addressing the old you.

The enemy of the new you has always been the old you. Recovery is meant to take you in a new direction but your success is predicated upon you addressing the old you. By that we mean addressing old mindsets and habits that are toxic to your advancement. Recovery is meant to help us experience the life that is available to us beyond trauma. We cannot experience that holding on to the old us. As you travel through this journey it will be necessary for you to participate and cooperate with the recovery process.

It is designed to help you transition from the old to the new you practically. Trust me; you can do this because we will do this together! Stuck was written to help bridge the gap between seeking your life purpose and preparing you for the too often untold trauma, loss, and grief that you experience on your way to your destiny. Welcome to the journey!

What is Trauma?

Just as events in our life like marriage or graduation can make us feel hyped, equally, one event could also leave us feeling devastated.

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines trauma as a deeply distressing and disturbing experience. I want you to think about this definition and what you feel when you read it. For me when I read it my first thought was yes that’s how I feel. I was deeply impacted, as well as, distressed over what took place in my life. The impact resonated throughout my being. Imagine one event had that type of impact on us, but the truth of the matter is it can. Just as events in our life like marriage or graduation can make us feel hyped, equally, one event could also leave us feeling devastated.

Trauma affects us spiritually, mentally, physically, and chemically. It can leave behind visible scars and noticeable devastation. The aftermath of a trauma can come through a person’s life with reckless abandon. It can leave one with mental and emotional challenges, a broken hearts, and painful memories that infiltrate our mental psyche. Yes, trauma can imbed itself into our mental framework causing painful memories that can be relived over and over again. Trauma can be one of the most common causes of illness in an individual suffering from it.

Identification is the First Step

Becoming stuck is not a result of a lack of movement but a lack of knowledge. We must identify in order to begin the process of recovering from traumatic experiences.

One of the first steps in recovering from anything is identification. It is one thing to have a problem; it is something entirely different to have a problem and not know. This is what happens with most of us. We continue pushing through painful life experiences not realizing that we have a problem. Alcoholism, drug addiction, PTSD, bi-polar disorder, postpartum, and depression are a few examples that people become entangled with but are sometimes not aware the problem exists.

Becoming stuck is not a result of a lack of movement but a lack of knowledge. We must identify in order to begin the process of recovering from traumatic experiences.

My point is that many people don’t realize what they are dealing with until the symptoms become apparent. This is what makes Identification so important in the recovery process because you cannot address an issue until you know the issue. Until you recognize the root cause, you will not be able to transition to the next step. We must identify in order to begin the process of recovering from traumatic experiences. Becoming stuck is not a result of a lack of movement but a lack of knowledge.

Saying No to Isolation

In recovery one must know that the process only works when you cooperate and participate. It does not work when you isolate.

Often in my conversations with those who have been through trauma I share with them that it is critical to understand that there are requirements on the road to recovery. I spend a significant amount of time with those who I am coaching to help them understand that ignoring the requirements of recovery will cause the process to become stalled. Isolation can be defined simply as separation that either occurs socially or emotionally.

Everyone has moments when we crave our solitude depending on our vocations or levels of responsibility. Social isolation is the absence of social relationships for an extended period. Emotional isolation happens when you have been in social isolation too long. The absence of emotional relationships for an extended period of time can trigger negative feelings and thoughts.

My point is that extended isolation can lead to deeper pits of depression, loneliness, and other mental health concerns. Extended isolation does not make things better; on the contrary, things become worse. In recovery one must know that the process only works when you cooperate and participate. It does not work when you isolate.

Cold Cases are Toxic

As we go through life all the experiences that we had that we never resolved remain an open case unsolved in our soul.

As we progress through life experiences both positive and negative we collect data. We call the collected data memories. Memories are powerful because they create a connectedness to people, places, and things. This can be good in the positive meaning memories have the ability to create and reinforce bonds. These bonds can build quality relationships of all kinds. Conversely, when memories become toxic then they work in the reverse. They can damage and in some cases destroy quality relationships of all kinds.

Trauma is quickly becoming an epidemic in our society because so many people are suffering from broken hearts and damaged souls. Meanwhile, life continues on and hurts continue to pile up in the souls of individuals. As we look into society we see people from all walks of life that are facing issues in their soul. A cold case is a criminal case that is open for an extended period of time. This case has never been solved and has become cold. Until new evidence comes in the case remains open and unsolved. I use this example because it is the same way with individuals who are recovering from trauma.

As we go through life all the experiences that we had that we never resolved remain an open case unsolved in our soul. As these cases begin to build up in the soul it begins a shift in the person mental health. Individuals with a lot of cold cases or life experiences that are unresolved begin to change due to the build- up of issues in their soul. This is one of the contributory factors when individuals eventually snap (or go postal).

What have you allowed to build up on the inside of you emotionally? What unresolved issues have created an adjustment in the way you interact with the people around you? Through environments like our homes, workplace, places of worship, and the public square we are all connected. We are all connected to people who can be potentially impacted by something unresolved in us.

PlayPause
previous arrownext arrow
Slider